


The Journal

by samcedeswannabe



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Angst, Fluff, I guess this will have like three chapters, Just love these characters, M/M, Not a dang clue what I'm writing, So many Harry Potter references..brace yourself, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-27 03:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14416686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samcedeswannabe/pseuds/samcedeswannabe
Summary: What to do, when someone named Blue, is in love with little ol' you?





	1. Call me Ginny Weasley

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! so if you read my other story for this fandom then you know I am sorely out of practice so please forgive me for how poorly written this may be! It will be a short chapter fic and hopefully you shall enjoy! Any and all thoughts are welcomed, they help me grow as a writer! Thanks.

Simon sat on the lip of the stage with Abby’s head weighing heavily in his lap as they munched on the Oreos he had brought as a snack for rehearsal. He twisted the two chocolate spheres apart before absentmindedly licking the cream off.  Abby nibbled around the edges of her Oreo before popping the rest of the cookie into her mouth. “Oh god...” She muttered as pieces of chocolate flew out of her mouth causing Simon to look down at her with a smirk. “Here he comes....” She slowly sat up and slightly cocked her head to the side just as Martin Addison pulled himself up on to the stage to walk towards them. He placed one foot in front of the other, his arms raised to the sides as if he were walking on a tight rope.

“Welcome to the amazing one man show! Will he fall or won’t he? Will Abby Suso save him from an impending death as he falls off this stage or will she watch him fall to his demise!?” He bellowed out to no one. Abby tried to hide her smile, but her lips turned up at the sides despite her best efforts.

She shrugged her shoulders and grabbed another Oreo from the pack, “Hm, I’d rather eat this Oreo to be honest. But if you’re really nice about it, Simon might share one with you.” She looked back at Simon, who was now scowling at her at the thought of giving away one of his cookies to the boy who had exposed him as gay last year. Simon had forgiven Martin, but that didn’t mean that they were friends. That would never happen.

Martin clasped his hands together and brought them to his chest before falling dramatically down to his knees on the stage, eliciting a loud bang that caught the attention of some of the other cast members who were practicing their lines. They looked over, saw that it was Martin, rolled their eyes and stared back at their scripts. “Please oh mighty Oreo King.....could I please but have a mere moment of your time....and a bite of thou sweet cookie?”

Simon tapped his index finger to his lip and then sighed, “Fine. But only because you called me an Oreo King and it’s kind of inspired a Halloween costume idea for me.” Martin smiled widely before swiping up the last three cookies and popping them into his mouth with a delighted grin. Simon’s mouth fell open as he looked at his empty package. “Gee...thanks for that Martin.” He groaned before grabbing the package with his right hand. He gave Abby a look and she looked back at him sheepishly before mouthing the word sorry.

Martin rubbed his tummy, “Me like cookies and cookies like me.” He said in his best Cookie Monster impression. Abby laughed and Simon rolled his eyes. _Damn him and his good impressions,_ he thought to himself as he walked to the back of the stage to find the garbage can in the changing room.

He pushed through the door and headed to the grey bucket in the corner before tripping over his shoelace and falling to the floor. The empty package flew out of his hand on the impact and landed under the makeup table in the corner. _Damn you gravity! Damn you to the deepest of hecks I say!_ “First my cookies and now my knees....Was I Voldermort in a past life or something?” He grumbled to himself as he placed his hands on the wooden floor and crawled towards his misplaced garbage. He reached under the table and felt something scurry across his fingers, “Jesus!” He yelped before drawing his hand back from the table and he slowly inspected his web and dust covered hand. “Nope, I definitely must have been Peter Pettigrew.....only he deserves something like this!” With his eyes tightly closed shut, he reached under the table once again, this time a lot more slowly. _Please don’t bite me, please don’t bite me, Please don’t b-_ his thoughts were interrupted as his fingers brushed against something that felt like a book. He flattened his body against the ground and let his grey eyes roam through the darkness under the table before pulling out what looked like a black planner or agenda.

There was a piece of twine wrapped around it to keep it closed. Simon’s eyes widened with interest as he blew the dust off of the book causing him to sneeze. He wiped his glasses on his shirt and popped them back on to his face.

“Simon!? Are you back there?” Abby’s voice sounded from the stage, “Did you fall into something again?” Simon rolled his eyes.

“Correction! I fell on to something, not into something!” He yelled back with a chuckle as he slowly untied the twine off of the book. “I’ll be there in a sec! Don’t send help for me just yet.”

Alright, if you don’t come out in two minutes I’m going to send Martin after you.” She said in a sing song voice. Simon shuddered, _ugh oh god no._ He positioned himself so that he was sitting cross legged on the floor before carefully flipping through the pages. Someone’s messy handwriting adorned the pages. _Oh my god, I’ve found Tom Riddles diary! I’m Ginny!....I more saw myself as a Ron, but alright fate, I’ll take it!_ He chuckled to himself and then sighed, _and this Simon, is why you’re still a virgin._ He continued to flippantly flip through the pages until he noticed something. He paused as he stared at one of the pages of the book. The blood drained from his face before he adjusted his glasses to make sure he had actually seen what he thought he was seeing.

“What the f....” He hopped up from his position on the ground and ran out of the dressing room with the book in his hand. Abby was busy talking to their stage manager Cal Price, her hands moving animatedly as she emphasized whatever she was talking about. “Abby!” He whispered loudly. She continued to speak to Cal, who seemed very lost in her story. Simon flailed his arms in the air, “Pssssssst. Abbbbby!” He tried again. Abby looked over at him and placed a hand on her hip.

“Did you spring a leak or something?”

Simon gestured with his head for her to come. She looked apologetically at Cal before heading over to meet him on the stage. He looked around to make sure no one could hear him, “I have to show you something.” Abby’s left brow rose up.

“Simon...what’s happening? It better be good, I was trying to score you a date with Mr. Calvin over there,” He handed the book over to her with it opened to the page where he had seen it. Abby scanned the yellowed page, “What am I looking for here?” Simon moved to her side and pointed to a place near the bottom.

“”October 25th, 2014

Ugh, I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t get him out of my head. I think about him when I wake up. I see him every day at school. I think of him when I leave school. I think of him when I walk home. I think about him when I’m eating dinner. I think about him when I’m doing homework. Even when I’m brushing my teeth...I’m tormented by his deep steel grey eyes, his sheepish grin, his wild messy hair, those glasses that are often askew and I ache to reach out and fix them....I’m exhausted and yet I’m elated.....ugh, Simon Spier, I love you....

-Indefinitely yours, Blue””

Abby gasped and looked at Simon. “Who’s diary is this?” Simon shook his head. _Diary? Is that what this is?_

“No clue, I just found it under the makeup table in the back.” Abby’s eyes glistened in excitement. Simon ran his fingers through his hair and let out a breath, “Do you think it’s real?”

Abby bit the inside of her cheek, “Oh my god I hope so.” She flipped through the other pages, “Did you see the dates on these?” Simon slowly nodded, “We need to find whoever this is Simon.”

 

“Uh....I don’t know, I mean, whoever wrote this did it two years ago. They could be at another school now or maybe they graduated....or what if this is like a prank.” He took the book from her and stared at the passage. “Maybe someone knows I fall all the time and planted it under the table. This could be a trap! Ink might explode out of it or something and then embarrass us for life.”

 

Abby stared at him and gave him a slow long stare, “Really Simon? Really?”

“Well, what are the odds someone was in love with me two years ago in grade nine? Abby, I know it might be difficult for you to see because of how dashingly handsome I am right now....but,” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, “...I wasn’t always the stud muffin you see in front of you today. I was still listening to N’sync and sometimes...sometimes the Backstreet Boys.” His eyes opened, “It was a dark time Abby.”

Abby rolled her eyes and swatted him, “Boy, you need to stop!” She smiled giddily, “We need to figure out who this is Simon.”

“I don’t kn—“

“Alright everyone, pack up your things, rehearsal is done for today. Read over your scripts and come prepared with scene one memorised for Thursday!” Ms. Albright’s voice rang out through the auditorium. Simon looked at Abby. Abby looked at Simon.

“Oh....we’re definitely doing this.”

Simon let out a long breath, “Fine, but let me tell Leah and Nick. Then we can Sherlock Holmes it up alright Watson?”

She clapped excitedly, “Nicknames! Yes, I live for them!” Simon plastered on a smile. What did he get himself into?

\-----------------

“”November 1st, 2014

 

Had a really bad day today....Parent’s were fighting again and all I could do was lock myself in my room and pretend that it was okay. It’s always the same. They yell. They scream. I hear my name come up a few times. It gets quiet once they realise that I’m obviously listening and then there’s the slam of the front door. Dad’s gone or maybe it’s mom this time. Who knows. I’m curious, but not curious enough to check.  There’s a knock on my door and the doorknob turns. It’s locked. I can hear her sigh come through the door. Which means dad must have left this time. She says my name, a whisper on her lips. I don’t answer. I can’t see her, but I know she’s crying. How many times have her tears washed my door? Too many times to count now.  I want to close my eyes and think about him. To get lost in the moonlit pools of his eyes. But I know all I will see is the fighting. All I will see is my dad’s pained face turning away from her, from us, from this house, from our family. I’m tired.

 

-So very Blue””

Mr. Wise handed back their quizzes from the day before. A look of disappointment creased his features as he placed them face down on to their desks. “People!” He projected as his eyes roamed the class, startling Simon out of his thoughts about this Blue person, “I think it is imperative that you review Romeo and Juliet, before your big test in a few weeks.” He stared at Simon over his glasses as he put his quiz down in front of him, “Memorise character names! Memorise who is affiliated with which house! Learn how to spell Romeo, because I assure you it is not R-O-O-M-E-E-O.” Simon cleared his throat and looked to the side. That was definitely him. He lifted his paper and cringed at the mark. He needed to really pay more attention if he wanted to pass this class.

Mr. Wise continued through the aisles, “Only ONE PERSON, ONE got perfect on this quiz.” He placed a quiz down on Bram Greenfeld’s desk. Simon looked over at the curly haired boy with the smooth brown skin. He stared as Bram slightly lifted his quiz to reveal the bright green 100% before he slapped it back down on his desk as if nothing happened. As if feeling the eyes on his back, Bram slowly turned his head to glance shyly at Simon.

Not knowing what to do, Simon immediately raised two thumbs up at the other boy and then winked. _Why Simon, why?_ He gave what he assumed looked like a constipated smile and then cleared his throat. Bram’s eyes grew with amusement before he gave a small nod and looked away. Simon shook his head. _Smooth Spier....smooth._

Bram Greenfeld had always been a difficult one to read. He sat at Simon’s lunch table with his best friend Garret mostly because that’s where Nick sat during lunch. They were all on the soccer team and had bonded over the last few years, but Bram was usually quiet while they all chatted away. The only things Simon really knew about him was that he was extremely cute, had some nice ass calves, played soccer, and was extremely intelligent. That was made apparent every time they received their tests, assignments or quizzes. If only Simon could pick apart that beautiful brain and get a mark higher than 56 for once.

Simon blinked away his thoughts and glanced back at Bram only to find that Bram was looking at him. They held each other’s gaze for a moment before the bell rang. “Please children! Read your plays!” Mr. Wise begged the students as they rushed out of the room. Mr. Wise grabbed his coffee mug, downed it, and hustled out of the room.

Simon grabbed his books and was about to head to the door when something stopped him. He looked over at Bram again who was just pushing in his chair and mustered up the bravado to walk over to him.

Simon shoved his books under his arm and smiled. “Hey.” Bram returned the smile and then glanced away before meeting Simon’s eyes.

“Hey Simon.”

“So.... I heard that someone got a pretty nice mark on the quiz we got back today.” Simon smirked, “A little birdy told me that it was you.”

Bram gave a slight chuckle, “Oh is that so?” He adjusted his books against his chest. Simon noticed the taut muscles flex under Bram’s long sleeved shirt with the motion. “Did the birdy say anything else?”

Simon bit his lip, “Eh, he said that—“

“Oh it’s a he is it?” Bram cut in and Simon laughed.

“Yes, he said that Bram was probably the smartest person in the class and that I should...uh you know...ask him for help so that I don’t flunk out of English this term and then get you know grounded for life.”

Bram’s eyes widened, “Oh.”

Simon nodded, “Yea...I mean, I know you’re really busy with soccer and being kick ass at everything academic, and you know being popular and all th—“

“I’ll help you.” Bram quickly stated. “I’ll help you with English.”

Simon let out a whoop. “Really? Seriously? You’ll help me?”

Bram nodded slowly, “If you need it, then of course.” He shrugged, “I’m really not as academically inclined as you perceive me to be.” Simon squinted his eyes as if to say ‘really buddy? You just said academically inclined.’ As if reading his mind Bram let out a soft laugh. “Don’t let my vernacular fool you, I just really love Language.” He tilted his head to the side and then looked at Simon through his long eyelashes. Simon was slightly in awe for a moment.

“Well um, perfect! When can we start?”

Bram started to move slowly towards the door, “I have practice after school Tuesdays to Thursdays, so how about Friday?” Simon followed after him.

“Okay sounds good.” Simon quickly went through his schedule in his mind just to make sure. “Okay, Friday it is. My place?” They stopped in the doorframe to face each other. Simon felt the hairs on his arms prickle at their proximity. His eyes slowly looked over Bram’s face and noticed how he had a light spray of freckles on his cheeks.

Bram leaned back and stepped away from him before biting his lip and breaking eye contact. Simon cleared his throat and looked at the ground. _What are you doing?! Bram’s not gay and you’re probably freaking him out._ “Sure. I’ll see you at lunch.” Bram began to quickly walk away as the bell sounded overhead signalling their next class, “Give me your address then! See you.” Simon gave him an awkward wave, before realising that he was late for class. _Shit!_ With that he ran through the hallway hoping to make it to French before he was forced to sing Frere Jacques in front of the class again for the third time that week.


	2. No Cotton Candy for you!

“”November 10th, 2014

 

So... Simon got hit in the head with a basketball in gym class today. Again. If my observations are correct, then this would make it the 14th time it’s happened since school started. Mr. Lewis blew his whistle signalling for all of us to stop what we were doing. I wish he wouldn’t do that, I feel like it just puts more unwanted attention on to Simon. He was crouching down on the floor to pick up his glasses that are broken in half and all I want to do is hug him close to me. I don’t know, maybe I could rub the blooming bruise that’s getting more red by the second across his forehead. Something like that. I don’t really know what comes over me but I volunteer to take him to the office. I glance at Simon and he squints in my direction. He must have a very high glasses prescription. Mr. Lewis nods at me and blows his whistle again and all activity resumes as I make my way over to him. My fingers go cold and I can hear myself gulping the entire way as I cross the gym. He looks at me and I look at him. He holds his glasses out for me to see, but I can’t stop staring at his eyes. They are so much more beautiful when they’re not obstructed by his large black frames. He starts talking about getting glasses made of steel or vibranium, I don’t know, I can’t really focus on anything he says because he wraps his fingers around my wrist and that’s all I can think about. He’s holding on to me as I walk him to the office, that’s the only reason why, but it’s still nice. His fingers are long and very warm....well, anyway, today marks the day that we actually touched for the first time and even though it was a really small form of contact....it was pretty great.

 

-Your nurse, Blue””

 

Simon stared at the entry for what seemed like hours. He read each line over and over again as he tried to rack his brain to retrieve that specific memory. But it was either the multiple balls to head or the fact that it happened so often that stopped him from remembering who had helped him to the office that day. To Blue it was something significant, but to Simon, this was just a regular day.

 

He smiled at the way Blue described him, it was always so thoughtfully written and always so observant. One of the passages even referenced a time Simon had a big ass pimple on his nose, which he tried, and failed to hide with toothpaste which his older sister Alice had assured him would work. It of course did not. In a panic he ended up covering it with a band aid, but Blue had noticed the strong toothpaste smell and figured out what Simon had attempted to do despite the cover up.

 

 He ran the pad of his fingers across the words and imagined a boy sitting in his room, maybe on his bed, writing out his deepest darkest thoughts. Simon was probably hanging out with Nick in his basement staring absentmindedly at whatever game he was playing back then.

 

He tilted his head back and closed his eyes. His life intertwined with someone else’s years before unbeknownst to him. Someone who had pined for him in a way that Simon had never experienced before. It had come full circle because now here he was sitting on his own bed trying to figure out why he couldn’t put the journal down and why he couldn’t stop thinking about this boy named Blue.

\---------

 

Simon, Leah, Nick, and Abby huddled around Simon’s locker as per his request. “Dude...are you dying?” Nick leaned against the locker beside Simon’s and stared at him. Abby lightly smacked Nick’s shoulder with her manicured hand and Simon quickly glanced over at Leah to see the small frown form between her eyebrows.

“Not funny Nick, what if he was? How would you feel then?” Leah pursed her lips and threw a disapproving look at her friend.

 

Nick sighed, “I’d feel like I was some kind of psychic and then I could drop out of school and take my show on the road.” He looked over at Abby and smiled, “Would you care to be my assistant?”

 

Abby rolled her eyes. “Magicians have assistants, not psychics. Anyways, stop talking Simon has something to share.” Simon opened his mouth to speak when Leah cut in.

 

“How do you know Simon has something to share? Did he already tell you?” She threw an accusatory glance in Simon’s direction. He put his hands up and shrugged.

 

“Yea, I told Abby because she was in the auditorium with me when it happened, but she doesn’t know that much yet. Which is why I’m about to fill you in if you two would stop bickering back and forth for two minutes.” Nick looked at Leah and Leah rolled her eyes as if to say okay. “Alright, thanks. So a few days ago, I found a journal in the dressing room. And my name was in it.”

 

Nick raised a brow, “Was it _your_ journal?” Simon fought the urge to roll his eyes, “Hey it’s an honest question. You used to lose a lot of things in elementary school. Remember when you lost my Pokemon cards Simon.” He narrowed his eyes, “Remember that?”

 

Simon gave his friend a sheepish look, “Maybe. But okay, that’s not the point. My name was in the journal and it turns out that it belongs to some guy who was in love with me two years ago.” Leah and Abby’s mouth fell open.

 

“What?” Leah flipped her hair over her shoulder and cocked her head to the side. “Who is it?!?  
“It’s a guy?!” Abby jumped with joy, “Oh my god, Simon this is kismet! How’d you figure out it’s a guy?”

“He said that he had gym class with me, so it has to be a guy.”Simon shrugged, but he had been excited ever since he figured that little clue out. A male Blue was someone he could be interested in.

“Well you’ve got to show us this...this journal.” Leah looked towards Simon’s locker. “I mean, you can be a bit oblivious at times to things so maybe we can comb through it and figure out who it is.”

“No...there’s a lot of personal things in there and I just don’t....I don’t feel right letting you guys see it.” He adjusted his bag on his right shoulder, “To be honest, I feel pretty guilty reading it myself. I mean....it’s really none of my business. But, I don’t know. Do you get what I mean?” He looked at his group of friends who all seemed to be saying different things with their expressions. Nick looked nonchalant, Abby looked disappointed, and Leah...he couldn’t really read Leah.

 

“Alright Si, no sweat.” Nick shrugged, “If you want to talk about it then that’s cool, but if you don’t then I think we get it right?” He looked at the other two.

 

Abby nodded and then reached out to touch Simon’s shoulder, “Alright, but if you figure out who he is....can you tell us at least?” Simon nodded.

 

“I can’t promise that, but I’ll definitely consider it.” Abby didn’t seem entirely satisfied with the answer but she nodded. Now that he realised that the person who was writing about him was a male, he didn’t want to risk outing him the way he had been outed. It wasn’t fair. He turned to Leah.

 

“I’m really curious, but I understand. If this person is gay or bi or however they identify, then it’s not for you to really shout that from the rooftops is it?” Simon let out a small sigh of relief that she understood. She pulled him into a tight hug and kissed his cheek. “Guys, I have my own confession....”They looked at her expectantly, “...I’m hungry.” She burst into a laugh and headed to the cafeteria, “Let’s go, I have to gather some Intel on a birthday cake I need to make next week.” They rolled their eyes almost in unison before following after their friend. Simon popped one of his ear buds in and sighed happily to himself, thank God it was Friday.

 

\---------------

 

“Simon....” Emily Spier stood behind her son as he struggled to pull the vacuum out of the hallway closet. “...Simon, what are you doing?” She reached in behind him to help pull it out.

 

“I’m baking a cake mom, what does it look like?” He laughed and his mother raised a brow, “I have a friend coming over so I just wanted to, you know, clean up a bit before he gets here.”

 

“ _He_?” His mother smiled knowingly. Simon felt his cheeks grow hot as he attempted to extract himself from the trap that he had unwittingly put himself in, “Who is this he? And why are we cleaning for him? And why is he coming by?”

 

“His name is Bram and honestly mom, it’s not like that.”

“Oh? Well what is it like then?”

Simon dragged the vacuum into the living room and struggled to untangle the power chord, “It’s like I’m failing English and he’s going to help me pass because I told him that my parents would force me to live in the tree in the backyard if I didn’t.”

“Oh Simon, we would never do that. We love that tree.” She smirked at him before putting her hand out for the vacuum, “I cleaned yesterday, you’re fine.” Simon reluctantly handed it over to her. “So, is he cute?”

“Who are we talking about? Simon? Meh, I’d give him a two out of ten at best.” His sister Nora chimed in as she walked into the living room with a plate full of cookies for herself. Simon scowled at her.

“Out! I have company coming and I need this space for us to study.” Nora blinked slowly and looked at their mother and then at Simon.

“Did he just say study? Simon, are you okay? Did something take over your body? Blink twice if you need help!” She popped a cookie into her mouth as Emily lightly grabbed her by the shoulders and steered her back towards the direction of the kitchen.

 

Simon mouthed the words thank you to her as she took his sister away. He attempted to fluff up some of the pillows on the couch when he heard the doorbell ring. He all but ran to get it, when his mother cut him off and opened it before he could get there. _I was worried about Nora being the problem, when I should have been looking at the real threat here!_

“Hi there!” He watched in horror as Bram walked inside and his mother pulled the taller boy into a hug. Bram smiled widely at the welcome, “I’m Mrs. Spier, Simon’s mother.”

 

Bram’s eyes widened in shock, “Oh, well thank you for letting me know. I thought you might have been his older sister Alice who I’ve heard him speak about.” Emily let out a high pitched giggle and closed the door behind Bram. Simon covered his face with his hand. The embarrassment was just too much, even for him.

 

“Oh you stop that!” His mother giggled again and placed her hand gently on Bram’s shoulder. “Simon, your friend Bram is here.”

 

“Mom, I’m standing right here! You literally cut me off to the door.” He stared accusingly at his mother.

“I did no such thing! Okay, enjoy, if you want anything at all Bram, I’ll be in the kitchen.” With that she walked away and left the two teens standing there awkwardly staring at each other.

“I am so so sorry.” Simon rubbed the back of his neck, “She’s usually a lot more chill than that.” Bram grinned and shrugged.

“Your mom seems great. You don’t have to say sorry.” He quickly pulled off his sneakers and walked towards Simon. Simon put his hands on his hips, not really knowing what to do with his hands. He was so nervous. _Pull it together Spier._ “So, did you want to study by the front door or...?” Bram grinned causing Simon to chuckle nervously.

“No, definitely not, I cleared out some space in the living room.” He turned around and plopped down on the couch. Bram slowly sat down beside him and opened up his back pack to pull out the play and some of his notes from class. Simon grabbed his copy of the play from the table and handed his quiz over to Bram.

 

Bram’s eyes widened as he read through Simon’s answers, “Wow...” He looked at Simon, “This is....” Simon nodded.

“Yea, pretty bad huh?”

Bram laughed, “Not the best, but there’s potential here. Based on your answers, I think you grasped an understanding of some of the story, but it’s apparent that you got lost along the way.” Simon stared at Bram’s mouth as he spoke. He didn’t know what it was, but something about the _way_ he spoke was oddly attractive. Bram waved his hand in front of Simon’s face, breaking the trance, “...earth to Simon.”

 

Simon cleared his throat and let out an awkward laugh, “Sorry I thought I heard someone call my name, you didn’t hear someone whisper Simon just now?” Bram licked his lips and then shook his head no, “Oh maybe it’s just me then. I promise I’ll be much more focused starting now professor Bram.”

Bram laughed, “Oh, I like the ring of that.” He smiled and flipped to the first page of Romeo and Juliet, “Okay, so let’s start at the very beginning.”

Simon groaned, “Do we really need to?” Bram stared at him and then held up Simon’s quiz and gave him a pointed look, “Yea, okay....I see what you mean, alright. The beginning it is!”

 

\-----------

“”November 28th, 2014.

 

Divorced. My parents are getting a divorce and I feel bad, not because they’re getting divorced, but because of the relief I feel when they tell me all about it. It’s the right decision, we can all agree to that. My parents sit on either side of me and hold my hands and I tell them the truth that I’m okay. My dad starts to cry and looks into my eyes. He tells me that he promises that we’ll still celebrate Hanukkah every year, just the two of us. It will be our new tradition. I’m honestly genuinely happy. I love spending time with my parents, well, when they are apart. That’s when I get to see the better versions of them anyway.

 

My dad’s going to move out and I’m going to stay with my mom so that I can try to maintain some semblance of a normal life. I guess. I think things will get better from here, I have plans for the New Year. Maybe try out for some things. Maybe I’ll even get the courage to talk to Simon. Who knows.

 

-B””

 

Simon almost collided into Bram’s desk as he waved his test with eighty six percent inked in green pen in front of his face. Bram looked at the paper and smiled up at him. “Well look at what we have here.” He took the paper from Simon’s hands, “Wow, you even spelled Romeo correctly this time too.”

 

Simon laughed, “Yea, all thanks to you.” Bram shook his head and handed the test back.

“No, it was all in there, I just had to nudge it a little.”

Simon rolled his eyes, “More like a lot-tle, see what I did there?” He smirked, “A little...to a lot-tle...”Bram made a face of displeasure, “Oh whatever, we were all thinking it!”

Bram stood up from his desk and zipped his binder close, “I can assure you that my brain would never think that. That just seems more like a Simon thought.”

Simon playfully nudged Bram’s shoulder, “And what is that supposed to mean?”

Bram sat on the edge of his desk so that he was looking up at Simon, “A Simon thought is something that people usually have in their minds, but know that they’ll get this look...” he pointed to his own face and rolled his eyes before continuing,”...if they actually say it out loud.”

Simon gasped loudly, “How dare you?! And to think I was going to invite you to the carnival at the mall this evening as a thank you.” He placed his hand on his chest and feigned being hurt, “Now you’ll never get cotton candy.” Bram’s eyes widened and shone with amusement.

“Is that so?”

Simon nodded and then headed for the door. “Yup, snooze you lose pal.” Bram followed behind him and placed his hand on Simon’s shoulder to turn him around to face him. Simon’s breath hitched in his chest as he stared into the other boy’s face.

Bram’s eyes softened as he studied Simon’s expression to see if he was being serious with the invitation, “Just us or...?” Simon nodded. “Okay, pick me up at 6?”

“Um, yea, for sure. I’ll...I’ll be there. Just shoot me your address.” The bell rang overhead and Bram moved his hand from Simon’s shoulder leaving it cold in its absence.

“See you later.” Bram hurried out of the room, leaving Simon behind.

_Holy crap, I think I have a date with Bram Greenfeld._

\---------------

 

Simon clutched the stuffed animals to his chest. There were four in total and Bram had won all of them for him. “Are you sure you don’t want to give these to your mom or something?” Simon placed his chin on top of the head of the bear and glanced at Bram.

“No, she’s not really into stuffed animals.” He shrugged, “Plus, you paid for the games.”

“Yea, but you won them.”

Bram nodded, “Yea, for you.” Simon was stunned into silence. He didn’t really know what to make of the brown eyed boy. He thought that maybe, just maybe he liked Simon, but he had been slightly reserved since they got off of the Ferris wheel an hour ago. “What do you want to go on next?” He shoved his hands into his pockets and glanced at Simon.

“How about the Tilt-a-whirl?” He attempted to point at the ride but almost lost the stuffed monkey in his arms in the process.

Bram stared at it for a long time, “How married to that idea are you?” Simon burst out into a giggle fit. He had never heard the expression before.

“Uh, not married to it, but I think maybe engaged?” Bram pressed his lips into a fine line, “We don’t have to do it you know, if you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared. I just didn’t exactly have the best experience on it a few years ago. But, let’s do it.”

Simon tilted his head to the side, “You sure.”

“Yea,” He grinned, “I’m pretty sure it’ll be way better this time. I’m older now so...”

 

Ten minutes later....

 

Simon helped Bram into the passenger side of his car. The taller boy had his eyes closed tightly. “I was wrong, it was not better this time.” He groaned out. Simon did his best to hold in his laughter but was unsuccessful. “Hey, don’t laugh at me.” He croaked out, but couldn’t help giggling as well.

Simon slid into the drivers’ seat and closed the door beside him. “I’m sorry, but you’re just super cute right now.” He covered his mouth, _Shutup Simon,_ “I mean you just—“

“You think I’m cute?” Bram said slowly and pried open one eye to look at him.

Simon took a deep breath and then leaned his head against the headrest of his seat, “Yea...I do. I don’t know if that weirds you out because you’re obviously not into me.”

Bram sighed and opened his eyes wide, “Wow....I’m not into you?”

Simon raised a brow, “Are you...asking me? Or telling me?”

Bram gave a soft laugh before turning his body to face the blonde, “Simon...I’m into you.” He looked into his eyes and smiled, “Like, really into you.”

“Really? Because you seemed kind of bummed out after the Ferris wheel.”

“Uh, yea, that was just me getting into my own head. You said something about how your friends didn’t want to come, so you were happy that I said yes....and then I just thought that this wasn’t a date. That you weren’t interested.” Bram shrugged.

Simon started to laugh, “Oh my god, I’m an idiot.” He shook his head, “That was my attempt at trying to play it cool and yea, it obviously worked too well.”

Bram smiled, “Apparently.”

Simon slightly leaned his head forward, “So...?”

Bram leaned in as well, “So.”

“Still feeling sick?”

Bram shook his head, “A little light headed, but I don’t think it’s from the Tilt-A-whirl.” He whispered and glanced at Simon’s lips.

Simon grinned, “Oh was it the corn dogs because those will do that to y—“ before he could finish his sentence, Bram had closed the gap between them and placed a firm kiss to his lips. Simon’s breath was literally taken away by the time Bram pulled back. He took in a deep breath before he spoke, “Wow.” Simon licked his lips, “Can we do that again? Like now?”

Bram laughed, “Do what again?”

Simon scowled before reaching out to put his hand behind Bram’s neck and gently pulled him in for another kiss. Bram placed his hand on Simon’s thigh to steady himself as their lips parted to deepen the chaste kiss. By the time they pulled apart, Simon’s glasses were fogged up. Bram looked at them and let out a deep belly laugh as Simon tried to wipe them off.  “Hush.” Simon giggled before feeling Bram’s index finger beneath his chin tilting his face up. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment.

 

“Has anyone ever told you that you were beautiful?” Bram said slowly with awe. Simon pressed his palms against his cheeks to hide the blush that was coming out full force.

“No, but...I think can kind of get used to it.” He looked down and then back at Bram.

Bram grinned, “Good, because you might have to hear it for awhile.” He shrugged and trailed his finger tips down Simon’s jaw line, “Sorry.”

Simon shivered at the contact and placed his hand on top of Bram’s, “I’ll accept that on one condition.”

“Mmm, okay?”

“You have to listen to every single Simon thought, no matter how absurd it might be, forever.”

He looked off to the side as if he were thinking about it, “Oh thank god, I thought you were going to make me do something that I didn’t want to do.” He leaned in and sealed their deal with a kiss, causing Simon to momentarily forget all about the boy called Blue.


	3. Indefinitely Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of this story! Which will be followed by an epilogue. No idea what I was writing, but hopefully at least one person enjoyed it lol Thanks for reading!

Early Saturday morning, Simon opened the friend group chat that they had created months ago and stared at the screen for a moment. His body felt like it was vibrating with the excitement of what had happened with Bram the night before at the carnival. He had wanted to message his friends immediately after he had dropped off the sexy soccer player, but then decided that he wanted to bask in what had transpired a little bit longer before he had to tell anyone. He was about to send off a message when a text notification popped up at the top of his phone screen. Simon pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek and clicked it open.

 

Bram Greenfeld: Hey!

Simon: Hey to you too

Bram Greenfeld: What are you up to?

Simon: Nm just you know....staring at my ceiling thinking about last night.

Bram Greenfeld: Yea. It was pretty great

Simon: Yea.

Simon: So...

Bram Greenfeld: So?

Simon: What are you wearing?

Simon: JK

Simon: Don’t answer that!

Simon: Just being a perv

Bram Greenfeld: Oh you mean the usual :p

Simon: Shadup

Bram Greenfeld: Make me

Simon: Ohhhh what a tough guy behind your phone screen huh...

Bram Greenfeld: I’m a tough guy in person too...kind of.

Simon: Meh..

Bram Greenfeld: You don’t agree?

Simon: Nah, you’re like a little quiet mouse who tries to roar like a lion

Bram Greenfeld: What?! L I can be tough!

Simon: Sure you can

Bram Greenfeld: Wow, okay I guess I’ll just have to come over there and show you

Simon: uh...ur not gonna come here and like rough me up or something right lol

Bram Greenfeld: I would never do that, but I might come over there, sit on you, and tickle you into submission

Simon: So you’d come over and basically just put your hands all over my body?

Bram Greenfeld: Yes...and maybe not just my hands? ;)

Simon: .....

Simon: .....

Simon: I’ll be ready in 30 minutes!

Bram Greenfeld: LOL alright beautiful, see you then

 

Simon clutched his phone to his chest and let out a squeal of delight. Telling his friends about what happened with Bram would just have to wait until later that day.

 

\----------------------

Simon opened the clear door of the refrigerated section of the grocery store and stared at the milk products. He wasn’t sure if Bram was more of a 2% or soy milk or almond milk kind of guy. He scratched the back of his head before he reached in to grab the 2% milk carton which seemed like the safer choice. It was weird. He felt like he knew Bram very well, but with this whole milk situation, he realised he didn’t really know that much aside from the fact the Bram’s parents were divorced, he had seen one Harry Potter movie (how disappointing), and that he really enjoyed making out with Simon Spier. Which Simon was sure of, since they had made out for about half an hour before making their way into the grocery store for some mystery items. Bram had instructed Simon to get milk and he went off to grab something else.

 

“Simon?” He jumped at the sound of his name and looked through the clear fridge door. “What are you doing here?” Leah asked as she adjusted the grocery basket handle on her arm. Nick, who trailed behind her, stared at his friend with a look of confusion.

 Simon closed the door and looked at the milk in his hand, “Um, needed milk.”

Leah and Nick exchanged a look, “Okay, do you want to shop with us? We were just about to pick up some snacks to eat while we played some games back at Nick’s.”

“Uh....well um, I’m actually not alone.” Simon squeaked out.

Nick’s eyes darted around as he looked for whoever could be there. His left brow slowly rose up, “You okay there buddy?”

“Simon you ready?” Bram came from around the corner from the other aisle with a pack of double stuffed Oreos in his hand. He smiled when he noticed the other two teens, “Oh hey guys.”

Leah’s jaw dropped as she looked between Bram and Simon. Questions clearly expressed in her eyes. “Hey Bram...you’re here with Simon?” She asked slowly as her mind worked away.

Bram nodded, “Yes, we were picking up some snacks for a little picnic... well I guess it’s a picnic.” He laughed and shrugged.

“Nice.” Nick smiled warmly before popping an unpaid for chip into his mouth from the bag that he clutched to his chest like a newborn baby. He looked at Simon and gave him a not so subtle wink about the situation. “Picnics are a lot of fun. I mean, who doesn’t love food and a bit of nature? Am I right or am I right?” He chuckled before stuffing more chips into his mouth.

Leah smiled at Bram, but it was evident that she wanted some concrete answers about why her best friend was there with one of the schools best soccer players. Having noticed the awkward tension between the group, Bram reached out to Simon for the carton of milk. Simon reluctantly handed it over to him and gave him an apologetic look. “I’ll just head over to the cashier and get these paid for. I’ll meet you outside okay?” He turned toward the painfully silent Simon who just nodded in acknowledgement, “See you guys around and enjoy your Saturday.” He flashed a quick smile to Leah and Nick before hustling off towards the other end of the store where the checkouts were.

Leah’s eyes trailed after Bram until he was out of ear shot. She immediately turned her attention on to Simon, whose face was now beet red.

“What’s going on?” She spoke slowly and very low. Simon let out a long sigh and then shrugged.

“To be honest, I’m still trying to figure it all out. I was going to tell you guys this morning, but then Bram invited me out and I postponed it.”

“What were you going to tell us?” She tilted her head to the side and studied him, “Are you guys like a thing? Are you dating?”

Simon quickly shook his head no and then stopped. _Were they dating? Were they in fact, a thing? Was he in a thing with cute Bram Greenfeld?!_ “Actually, you know what? I don’t really know.” He chuckled nervously and then looked at Leah from under his eyelashes, “I mean,” He grinned and bit his lips, “We kissed last night at the carnival by the mall.”

The chip that Nick was about to place in his mouth fell to the floor in his shock, “Woah, dude. First base!? I didn’t even know Bram was…” He looked around and then mouthed the word ‘gay.’

Simon’s eyes widened, “Uh, I don’t know? Does that mean he’s gay? He could be like something else right?”

“I don’t know man. You’re the guy that I default to for these kinds of things…so you’ll have to tell me.” Nick toed the fallen chip and kicked it to the side so that it slid under the shelf to the right of him. Leah thrust the basket into Nick’s hands and stepped forward to pull Simon into a hug. His eyes widened before he relaxed into her arms and held her tightly. He was so anxious with not knowing really what was going on with Bram that he didn’t realise how wound up he must have been until she pulled him into that hug and he all but melted into her.

 

“Have fun. Be safe. Make sure to fill us all in on the group chat.” She said into his blond hair. “Because you know that we all want to know all about your love life since ours are seemingly non-existent. Especially Nick’s.”

Nick scoffed from behind her, “Um, speak for yourself! I’m doing amazingly okay? I have like ten dates lined up for prom next year and….Leah, I can’t see your face, but I know you’re rolling your eyes and it’s rude.”

Simon laughed at his friends before he gave Leah one last squeeze and let her go, “Thanks. I’ll message you tonight.” He grinned and walked off to find Bram at the checkouts.

\---------------

 

Bram pulled into an almost empty parking lot behind the field at their high school and turned off his car. His right hand laid warmly on Simon’s left thigh as he had driven in. “Sorry, not a very romantic picnic location, but it’s still a bit cool outside this morning.” He leaned back against the driver’s seat and looked at Simon. “I hope that this is okay?” Simon rubbed the palm of his hand against the back of Bram’s and then smiled at him.

“Hey, I get to spend the morning with you and eat cookies for breakfast. I’m already having the best time, so, honestly, don’t apologise.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it.” Bram moved his hand from Simon’s thigh and unbuckled both of their seatbelts. “Let’s sit in the back.” He pulled his keys out of the ignition and stuffed them into his jacket pocket before opening the door, sliding out of his seat, and closed the door behind him. Simon quickly followed suit, grabbed the bag of groceries, and adjusted his pants before hopping out too. Bram walked around to Simon’s side of the car and leaned forward to kiss him. His hands rubbed up and down the other boy’s sides until they made their way up and under Simon’s light jacket. The blond gasped at the feeling of the cold hands which could be felt through the thin material of his shirt. Bram smiled against his lips and then broke the kiss to place a peck to his cheek, “Sorry…cold hands right?” Simon grinned and nodded.

“That’s okay. You did say that you were going to put your hands on me among other things…so I’m waiting for that.” He could feel the blush creep up his neck. Bram’s eyes widened.

“I did say that didn’t I?”

“Yea, you did. And I took you for a man of your word Bram…so don’t let me down.”

Bram’s eyes softened before he leaned into Simon and placed hot kisses down the side of his neck. Simon let out a small moan at the contact and craned his neck to the side for more. “I promise that as long as it’s in my power…I will never let you down Simon.” He punctuated each word with a kiss to Simon’s cool flesh. His broad hand found its way to Simon’s jacket zipper which he slowly pulled down to reveal a cotton band T-shirt with the logo from one of Simon’s favourite artists Elliot Smith’s Figure 8 album. Simon shivered but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the cool air that now flowed through his open jacket or if it was because of the sincere and assured way Bram had spoken those last words. Bram felt Simon shake beneath him and took a step back, “My bad, got a bit carried away,” He laughed and then stared at Simon’s shirt before zipping up the jacket.

“It’s Elliot Smith.”

Bram nodded and then mumbled, “Yes.” He paused for what felt like minutes, “I know.” He cleared his throat, “I’ve…. never seen you wear that shirt before.” There was an odd look on Bram’s face that Simon couldn’t really understand.

Simon shrugged, “Yea…uh, it’s honestly one of my favourites. Someone gave it to me a long time ago, but wearing it out in public made me a bit self-conscious, so I almost always wear it at home.” He cleared his throat, “…do you mind if we get in the car now? It’s just a bit cold.”

Bram’s eyes softened. His distant look began to change and it seemed like he wanted to say something but ultimately he didn’t. He gave Simon a small grin, “For sure.” He opened the backseat door for Simon and let him slide in first before he sat beside him. He positioned himself so that he was turned towards Simon and his back was against the door. He moved his left leg up so that it was pressed against the back of the seat. “Come here,” He outstretched his left arm out to Simon and pat his chest with his right. Simon smiled shyly at Bram and turned his back to him so that he could scoot backwards and lean his back against the others chest.

Simon pulled the milk carton and Oreo cookies out of the grocery bag. He placed the cookies on his chest and handed over the milk to Bram, who pulled the sides open for them to drink from it. Simon opened the package of cookies and pulled one out to hand to the boy behind him and then grabbed one for himself. “Mmm, this is the life.” He mumbled with the cookie in his mouth.

Bram laughed, “I agree. This is nice.” They munched silently and passed the milk between themselves.

Simon tilted his head to the side and tried to look at Bram as best as he could. Bram caught his eye and leaned forward a bit to place a kiss to the side of his head. “This is weird.”

“What is?” Bram frowned.

Simon sighed, “How comfortable this is….like you know, how natural this feels being here like this with you.”

Bram thought about it, “Is it that weird? I mean, we have known each other for a really long time.”

“Yea, but we never really spoke that much…well I spoke, you mostly sat there and listened or talked to Garrett about something.” Simon looked at Bram, “I want to know more about you.”

Bram smiled, “Okay, what do you want to know?”

“Oh is this my chance to ask you anything?”

“Yes, but I’m going to ask you things as well… and I can also choose not to answer something right now. But I promise to answer it in the future.” He raised a brow, “Is that fair?”

Simon stayed silent for a moment, “Yes, that’s cool.”

“Alright. Shoot!”

“Um, okay what do you want to be when you’re like a full-fledged adult?”

“Hmm,” Bram rubbed his chin, “I think I’d like to become an English professor like my dad. I really love literature and delving into the intricacies beneath what you see.” He smiled, “How about you?”

Simon popped another cookie into his mouth. “I have no clue actually…I love working on the play, but I’m not really a good enough actor so I can’t really tell you.”

Bram, nodded. “Okay.”

“Yea. So, have you ever been in love?”

Bram sipped on the milk and nodded, “Yea.”

Simon tried to adjust himself so he could see him, “Yea? With who?”

Bram shook his head, “I’ll tell you later.”

Simon opened his mouth to say something, but then quickly closed it. “You have to promise you will.”

“I will.”

“Okay.”

“Alright my turn. How come you never approached me to speak to me? Like properly speak to me?”

Simon adjusted his glasses and laughed, “The way I see it is, is like, you can see a Gucci store and want to go in, but you know that you can’t afford anything there unless you want to sell your whole family and dog.” Bram burst into a fit of laughter, causing Simon to bounce against his chest, “And then one day I was like fuck it imma go into that store and browse the hell out of it and then! Surprise surprise, the store is amazing and everything I try on or touch fits perfectly or just seems right.”

“Weird analogy, but I guess it works. I would never compare myself to a Gucci store though, maybe more like a Hot Topic?” Bram chuckled, “Well, if it counts for anything, I’m happy you needed me to help you study for those three weeks. I couldn’t get the confidence to talk to you by myself.”

Simon opened his Oreo and licked the cream, “What? Why not?”

“I get nervous around really cute boys.” Bram paused, “Well, one really cute boy.” He nestled his nose into Simon’s hair.

Simon was sure his blush had turned into a crimson shade. “Uh…wha—me? Really?”

“Yes, you, really.” He kissed the curve of Simon’s ear which made him giggle. _Oh man, a giggle Simon?_

“Mmm, who are you closer to? Your mom or your dad?”

“That’s a tough one. I’d have to probably say my mom, but not just because I live with her.” Bram nibbled on the edge of an Oreo, “I think we’ve just always been really in sync. She’s always been very aware when I wasn’t doing too well, emotionally, or she could tell that I was going to get sick even before the first cough or sneeze.”

Simon smiled up at him, “That’s cute. Do you think she’d like me?”

“Most definitely.”

“I’d like to meet her.”

“You can meet her whenever you want, just let me know.” Bram wrapped his arm around Simon and placed his hand on his chest.

“Okay this might be a personal question, but you don’t have to answer.” Simon nervously glanced to the side, “Are you a virgin?”

Bram wiggled his eyebrows, “What do you think?”

Simon shrugged, “Um, no.”

Bram laughed, “Um, yes. Very painfully yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes really.”

Simon’s eyes were wide. “I’m surprised.”

“Why?”

“Because ….. I mean….have you seen yourself?.....you’re sexy!”

“So? So are you, but I’m assuming you’re a virgin too right?”

Simon scoffed, “I’m not sexy…more adorkable, and yea, I am.”

“Are you waiting?” Bram sat up a bit straighter, “For like marriage.”

“Hell no.” Simon laughed. “Are you?”

“No, I practice two religions, but I’m just waiting for the right guy.” Bram smiled and rubbed Simon’s cheek with the side of his finger.

Simon fanned himself with his hand. It was definitely getting warm in there, “Last question.”

“Shoot.”

“What are we?” Simon sat up and turned his body to face Bram, “Like what is this?”

Bram leaned his head back against the window and studied Simon, “I like you a lot Simon.”

“I like you a lot too.”

“I’d like us to date…I know we’re still getting to know each other. But I personally feel like I know a lot about you already, and what I already know, I really respect and admire.” Bram sucked in his bottom lip as he thought of what to say next, “I want to be your boyfriend.”

Simon let out a long breath and threw himself into Bram’s arms, almost knocking the milk over in the process. He placed warm wet kisses on every inch of Bram’s face. Bram closed his eyes and chuckled, “Boyfriend’s it is!”

“Okay good.”

“Are you going to be okay being out at school….? Or should we keep this quiet?” Simon pulled back to look into Bram’s eyes.

Bram tilted his chin up and kissed him, “Why would I ever want to keep dating you a secret? Seems like such a waste of a bragging opportunity.”

Simon flushed and kissed Bram back, “God, you’re something else sexy calves.”

Bram laughed and pulled Simon closer to him. “Thanks.”

\---------------------------------------------------

 

“”December 10th, 2014

 

Alright, here goes. I recently did something pretty weird and I’m not exactly sure how it will be received. I haven’t told anyone yet and I probably never will.

 

Last week, I ordered an Elliott Smith T-shirt online to give to Simon for Christmas this year. I always hear him mentioning to Nick and Leah that they should listen to Elliott Smith’s Waltz #2. I know, I know. It’s creepy that I bought it, but I have never seen him wear anything from any band that he listens to and I just really think he would look amazing with the shirt on. I must admit that it would be incredible to see him wear it and know that I was the one to give it to him in the first place. Perhaps it would give me the courage to talk to him about his music tastes and I could ask him why he likes the artist so much. I listened to Elliott’s music and it’s extremely sad, which I find slightly absurd because Simon always seems so happy.

Meh, I wish that I could speak to him. I wish that I could just tell him how I feel about him. For now, this will have to suffice. I’ve been debating on whether or not I should give it to him in person, or leave it on his seat in class. I honestly think my best chance is to put it on his locker so that it will be the first thing he sees in the morning. Yes, I think that’s what I’ll do. Now I just have to figure out what to write in my note to him.

 

-Just call me Santa Blue….Blue Clause? Hmm Winter Blue…“”

 

Simon rubbed his hands together to keep them warm. He stuffed them between his thighs and glanced over at Nora. “You know you can sit closer to us than that right?” He yelled at her from his seat on the metal stands. She didn’t bother looking at him as she turned the page in her book.

“Nah, I’m good over here away from your gossip.”

Simon narrowed his eyes at his younger sister and turned his head to look at Abby and Leah who were sitting beside him, “Pft, we don’t gossip do we?”

Abby’s eyes followed Nick as he ran around the field during the team’s soccer practice. They had a big game coming up next Friday that the whole school had been buzzing about. It had been a month now that Simon and Bram had become official. Aside from an insensitive joke or two from some classmates, they had received a lot of positive reactions from those who knew them and sometimes from people they didn’t know. “Oh yea, we gossip all the time.” Abby said as she continued to watch Nick. Leah stared at Abby and then glanced over at Nick before turning her attention to Simon.

“Well you two might gossip all the time, but I mostly just observe and nod.” She chimed in.

“Okay, fine fair enough.” Simon laughed and turned his attention to his boyfriend who had just head butt the soccer ball into the opposite net. “Man he’s good.”

“Yea, he’s one of their best players.” Abby commented and then covered her mouth before looking at her friends, “I mean Nick’s amazing too, but Bram is killing it. He’s definitely going to get looked at next year when he’s a senior.”

Simon’s eyes shone with pride at the thought of his boyfriend getting scouted. He would be so proud of him. “Yea, he’s something else. Great player, insanely smart, so caring, really good at kis--, never mind.” He cleared his throat and the two girls looked at him.

“Good at what?”

“Good at driving.” Simon stared straight ahead as his friends cackled beside him. “I don’t know what to do about Blue though.”

“What about Blue? Did you figure out who he is or was?” Leah turned to look at him. Simon shook his head.

“No. Not yet, but I did find out that Blue was the one who gave me that shirt for Christmas.”

Leah’s mouth opened into a wide O, “No way! It was Blue?!”

Simon nodded, “Yea.”

“Woah. Well I guess that solves one mystery. Sort of.”

“What shirt?” Abby turned to look at them.

“Two years ago, Simon found an Elliott Smith shirt neatly folded in a bag on his locker. There was a note inside that said…” She looked at Simon.

“I love the way you smile like you don't realize you're doing it. I love your perpetual bed head. I love the way you hold your eye contact a moment longer than you need to. And I love your moon-gray eyes.” He licked his lips after he quoted the note word for word, “I spent a whole month trying to figure out who had given it to me. I even went as far as to compare people’s writing to the notes, but nothing.”

“Yea, it was so weird. And no one ever stepped forward.” Leah added. “You still have it right?”

Simon nodded, “Yea, I wear it to sleep in a lot. I was embarrassed to wear it to school.” He sighed, “Should I tell Bram about Blue?”

Both Leah and Abby stared at him and in unison said, “Why?”

“Uh, well I don’t know.” He shrugged, “He should know that someone was really into me at one point and could still be at the school.”

Abby rolled her eyes, “So what if he is Simon? Are you going to leave your boyfriend who makes you smile like every second for some guy who you know nothing about?”

“I agree with Abby, what would be the point?” Leah reached out and squeezed his shoulder, “Are you crushing on Blue?”

Simon shook his head, “No…I mean, I just love his thoughts. It’s weird…but I think it’s just nice to know someone could feel that much for me just because…”

Abby pointed to Bram who was running down the field beside Nick, “That boy feels that much for you just because…”

He stared at the soccer player, “Bram makes me nervous…Blue seems almost like an outsider like me, but Bram is popular. Everyone likes him…I swear some girls give me dirty looks when he kisses me or holds my hand.”

Leah fixed his hair, “You feel insecure.”

Simon bit his bottom lip and looked down, “Not all the time, just sometimes. When we’re alone, I never feel that way. I always feel like we’re just so in tune, it’s surreal.”

“Simon, focus on that feeling because if you don’t you’re going to sabotage you’re whole situation bud.” Abby held his gaze and then smiled, “You’re Simon fucking Spier and Bram is lucky to have you!” He smiled back at her. “Now, let’s get down there and you go kiss your man.”

Simon laughed, “Alright alright.” He stood up and smoothed down his jeans. The practice was over and the boys were chugging back their water bottles and wiping the sweat from their faces. Simon turned towards Nora, “Nora, let’s go!” She looked up from her book and made her way down the steps towards the boys on the field.

Bram saw Nora and gave her a side hug. Simon shortly walked up behind her, “What are you reading now?” Bram asked her. She held out the book for him, “Lord of the Flies eh? It’s pretty dark stuff.”

Nora grinned, “I know, that’s why I like it.” Bram laughed, “You’ve read it?”

“Yea, like back in grade nine. It was definitely one of my favourite books to discuss with my dad.”

“Cool, maybe when I’m done we can talk about it.”

Bram wrapped his towel around his shoulders. “For sure.”

“Alright.” Nora slung her backpack over her shoulder, “You coming over next Friday?”

Bram leaned in to kiss Simon on the lips. The blond stared dreamily at his boyfriend and helped him grab his things, “Thanks Simon.” Bram kissed his cheek and then looked at Nora, “What’s happening next Friday?”

“Our sister Alice is coming home with her boyfriend for the night. She wants to meet you.”

Simon paled, “You totally don’t have to do that though. I know you have your game.”

Bram wiped his face, “The game should be done by like seven or seven thirty. I’d love to come by and meet her after, if that’s not too late.” He looked at Simon, “Is that okay with you? You can come to my game if you want and then we can head over together? You can meet my mom!”

“Uh, yea sure, if that’s what you want.” Simon sputtered, nervous at the idea of finally meeting Bram’s mother.

“Yes, that’s what I want.”

Nora looked between the two and shrugged, “Okay cool. Simon can I have the car keys? I’m going to start the car.” Simon fished them out of his pocket and flung them at her before she all but ran away.

He looked at Bram and found him staring at him, “What?”

“You’re really red.” He reached out and touched Simon’s cheeks.

“Oh, just embarrassed I guess.”

Bram plunked himself down on the bench and pulled Simon down on to his lap.

“Get a room you two. There are children out here! And I’m one of them!” Nick shouted from where he stood with Leah and Abby. Simon rolled his eyes.

“Why are you embarrassed?” Bram wrapped his arms around Simon’s waist.

“I just, I don’t know, don’t want it to be a big deal.”

Bram laughed, “I’ve already met your parents and I see Nora every day when you pick me up for school.” He cocked his head to the side, “Is this a really big thing to meet Alice? Maybe I’m reading this wrong.”

Simon shook his head, “No, it’ll be like a quick hangout and then you’ll go home. Not a big deal at all.”

“Okay, well I’ll be there big deal or not.” Simon smiled down at him, cupped his face between his hands and kissed him deeply. He was falling for this boy and he knew it. Everyone knew it. Bram grabbed Simon’s bottom lip between his teeth and sucked on it gently, sending vibrations to other parts of Simon’s body. “Mmm, okay let’s head out of here.” He all but picked Simon up and set him on his feet. The blond reached up and tousled the other boys’ hair.

“Ew.” He wiped the sweat off on his pants. Bram laughed and grabbed Simon’s hand. They waved to their friends and headed off to the car.

 

\--------------------------------------

“Simon.” Simon was slightly startled to hear his name. He hadn’t heard Bram approach him.

“You scared me.” Simon smiled and grabbed one last thing from his locker. He was excited for tonight. His mom was going to cook spaghetti, which was one of Bram’s favourite dishes for dinner, and then his dad had gone out to grab some new family games for them to try out after dessert. Alice was already stoked to meet her baby brother’s boyfriend and asked Simon if she should bring anything down. He had told her no, but of course she had picked up packages of various chocolates for him to try. “Ready for the game?” His smile fell when he noticed the pained expression on Bram’s face, “What’s wrong?”

“Simon…Coach Feller just told me that there’s a scout coming to the game tonight.” He looked to the side, “He said that the guy is coming to watch Winston in grade twelve and me as well.”

Simon smiled, “That’s amazing babe!” He put his hand on his chest, “I’m so proud of you, you don’t even know.”

Bram put his hand over Simon’s, “The scout wants to take us out after the game to dinner and see what our personalities are like…he apparently appreciates talent, but wants to make sure that we’re agreeable people as well for their college team.”

Simon’s brow furrowed and he let his hand drop, “Tonight?”

Bram nodded, “Yea.”

“Are you going to go?”

“I don’t know yet I wanted to talk to you first.”

“Well, I can’t make that decision for you Abraham.” Simon said coolly.

Bram looked as if he were going to cry, “I know.”

They stared at each other, “So what are you going to do then?”

“Simon…I know I promised I would be there tonight but—“

“Yea, you did promise me that and you also promised that you would never let me down…do you remember that? Or do all of your promises mean nothing?”

Bram looked down. “I’m sorry.”

Simon chewed on the inside of his lip, “Tonight was important.”

“I thought it was just a hangout.”

“No, my family was going to pull out all the stops for you tonight, they had dinner planned, and family games set up but whatever.” He slammed his locker door which drew some looks over to them. “Have a good game.” He turned to walk away from him.

“Simon, come on.” Bram said in almost a whisper, “You’re not going to come tonight?”

Simon looked back at him and gave him an annoyed look, “No.”

“But my mom was g---“

“Tell her I’m sorry. Something more important came up.” With that last dig, Simon turned on his heels and hurried off to his next class.

\--------------------

 

“Simon?” Simon stared into space, Blue’s journal beside his pillow, as he wrapped himself up in his hoodie like a cocoon. His sister Alice stood at his door and stared at him, “You doing alright?” He shrugged and continued to stare off into the distance. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her and plopped herself down on to the corner of his bed. “What happened with Bram?”

“He decided to let me down. That’s what happened.” He grumbled.

Alice poked his foot and he pulled it away from her, “Nora said the rumour going around was that he was being scouted tonight.” Simon shrugged again. “Simon, that’s huge for him. If he looks really good, he can get a full scholarship at a good school somewhere…don’t you want that for him?”

Simon rolled his eyes, “Of course I want that! I want him to be successful and be recognized for how amazing he is, but he promised he was coming tonight and he didn’t.” _Blue would have never done that to me. He would have been right there at the dinner table with my family laughing at my dad’s corny jokes, and teasing me right along with my sisters. Blue would have been reliable. Blue loved me._ He closed his eyes shut and let a few tears slip out. He felt bad. He should have been there cheering Bram on and he knew that Bram had wanted to be there and all of these things just made him more annoyed. He was mad that he felt bad for not being there for him. “That’s not what a good boyfriend does.”

Alice leaned back on her elbows and stared up at the ceiling, “Dad told me that Bram helped him fix some door in the house because you didn’t want to.”

“So?”

“Mom told me that he brought over a cake for her the other day because you had mentioned to him that she had a rough week at work.” Simon laid there silently and listened. “It seems like…Bram has been here and then some for the family in the short time you guys have even been together.”

Simon let out a long breath from his nose and sat up to look at Alice, “I’m still annoyed.”

Alice nodded, “You have every right to be disappointed Simon because you love him.”

Simon’s eyes opened wide and his lips parted to protest, but he couldn’t because it was true. “I feel bad and then I get mad for feeling bad.”

Alice tousled his hair, “It is disappointing, but it’s not worth losing someone who clearly loves you too.”

Simon scoffed and looked at the opened journal, “No, he doesn’t, and after tonight, he might just break up with me for not being there so…” He shrugged and flipped through the pages of the journal. _This was love. This was devotion. Blue understood what it meant to be there._ He wiped the tears from his eyes. _Oh my God, what if Bram DID break up with him over this?_

“Simon!” Both Alice and Simon stared at the bedroom door at his mother’s yell, “Come downstairs please.” Simon looked at Alice, who simply shrugged.

“You better go.” She stood up. Simon nodded and stood up to follow her out of his room. He slowly walked down stairs and found his mother at the front door speaking to a dark skinned woman with soft coiled hair and a subtle gap between her two front teeth. They looked over at him as he approached.

The mystery woman extended her hand to him, “Hi Simon, I’m Bram’s mother.” Simon immediately reached out to shake her hand, “Can we speak for a moment?”

“Sure.”

Simon’s mother kissed the side of his head and headed off to the living room, “I am so sorry for coming by so late, but Bram asked me to come now.”

Simon shook his head, “I’m sorry to meet you like this, I had hoped to you know…at least have my hair combed when I met you.” He chuckled nervously.

She laughed and waved her hand to dismiss what he was saying, “You look perfect and I know we’ll have more chances to meet soon. I’m sure of it.” _Well, I’m not so sure._ She reached into her purse and pulled out a folded lined sheet of paper. “Here you go.” Simon timidly reached out for it, “It won’t bite I promise.” She smiled. Simon took the paper and nodded.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome Simon.” She adjusted her purse strap, “I don’t know what happened tonight, but I haven’t seen Bram this blue in a long time.”

Simon looked to the side, “Yea…we just had a thing.” He looked at her, “How did he play?”

Bram’s mother grinned, “Really well. He’s at the dinner with his coach and the scout now. He said that he’ll be home by ten.”

Simon let out a sigh of relief, “I’m glad.”

“He asked me to bring that to you.” She pointed to the paper in his hand, “And under no circumstances was I to read it.” She laughed, “Bram is so dramatic isn’t he?”

“Uh, I’m definitely worse.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” She pat his shoulder and opened the front door. “Goodnight Simon. Tell your mother thank you for letting me see you at this hour.”

“It was nice meeting you.”

“It was nice meeting you too. I’ll see you very soon,” She stepped out the door and into the night. Simon stared after her until she had backed out of his driveway and driven off. He closed the door and ran up the stairs to his bedroom two steps at a time. He was happy that Bram had done well that night. He deserved it. Even if he was mad.

He opened up the letter and slowly began to read.

 

“”Simon, I don’t know how to put it in words on how devastated that I am for hurting you today. I know that you attempted to downplay the significance of this hang out with your sister because you were embarrassed at how much you cared about me being there. I want you to understand how much it meant for me to be there tonight. How much I wanted to be there sitting beside you as you blushed when your family poked fun at you or how much I wanted to laugh at you rolling your eyes at your dads corny dad jokes which I absolutely adore. I wanted to lean my head against your shoulder as we played board games with your family and bask in the love that I always witness when I visit you. I wish I could have had you fall asleep with your head in my lap as we sat on the couch while we watched some romantic comedy with your sister and her boyfriend. I never ever wanted to disappoint you Simon. I wanted to send this through a text, but unfortunately writing is the best way for me to convey my thoughts to you and trust me I have plenty. I’ll be much more careful with my promises from now on. I’m not perfect and although you’re pretty close to it, neither are you. However, I think we are perfect for each other. I have always thought that. So what I am trying to say, which I am probably failing horribly at….Simon Spier, I love you….

 

-Indefinitely yours, Bram””

 

_I love you too._ Simon wiped the tears from his eyes on his sleeve as he read and reread the letter in his hands. He glanced at the time on his phone and saw that it was quarter after ten already. Bram would hopefully be home by now. He put the letter down on the opened journal and grabbed the comb from his table before pulling the teeth through his unruly tresses. He grabbed the car keys from his desk and was about to rush out of his room when he stopped at the door and turned back to get the letter from his bed. He reached down to pick it up but paused as he stared at the journal and then back at Bram’s letter, and then at the journal, and then back at Bram’s letter. He covered his mouth with his hand before letting it drop to his side. A small smile tugged on his lips as Blue’s identity finally dawned on him. He put the letter between the pages of the journal and with more urgency than before, ran through his bedroom door, slamming it shut behind him.


	4. Epilogue: Are you Ariel?

Simon adjusted the long red wig on his head as they entered Nick’s Halloween party. He scanned the room with his cool grey eyes, taking in all the people who were already milling about the room. In his right hand he firmly held on to a Papier-Mache basilisk fang and in his left he clutched a banged up looking diary with a large hole pierced through the middle. He looked over at his boyfriend and made sure that every part of his costume was in place. He was mighty impressed with the plush snake that wrapped around Bram’s neck which Simon had found at a thrift store.

 

Bram adjusted the long black robes and his Slytherin tie before placing his hand on the small of Simon’s back. His warm brown eyes slowly locked on to Simon’s. Simon smirked and leaned into Bram’s firm side. The taller boy grinned, “And what pray tell are you looking at beautiful?” Simon rolled his eyes and then chuckled.

 

“I’m just looking at my handsome boyfriend...and trying not to hate myself for being turned on by you even though you’re currently...” He made a face, “Voldermort.”

 

Bram put his hand up, “Woah, excuse me. I haven’t fully turned yet. I’m just poor old misunderstood Tom Marvolo Riddle.”

Simon bit his lip, “Oh I love it when you talk Potter to me.” He tilted his head up and placed a gentle kiss to Bram’s lips. Bram wrapped his arms around Simon’s waist and pulled him tighter against his chest, forcing Simon to stick his arms out to the sides so that he didn’t ruin his props. Simon smiled against Bram’s mouth and slightly pulled back his head. Bram pouted at the loss of contact. “Who would ever think that Ginny Weasley and Voldermort would be so in love? It’s Fawked up. Get it? Fawked up? Like Fawkes the phoenix.”

 

“Yes, unfortunately I got it.” Bram laughed and loosened his hold on the blonde, “I’m still not sure if anyone’s going to be able to tell who you are.”

“Excuse me?” Simon flipped his long red hair over his shoulder, getting some stuck in his lip gloss in the process. He spat out the strands and shook his head, “I am clearly Ginevra Molly Weasley! I have the iconic red hair, the Hogwarts robes, the tie, and these.” He put his hands up to show Bram the props.

“I know babe, but I don’t think people will get it. Plus,” He shrugged, “It was Harry who stabbed the diary in the first place, not Ginny, so...not really canon you know.” Simon gasped.

“How dare you fact check me! I know that Bram, but I needed them to show our connection to each other and our amazing love story!” Bram kissed Simon on the forehead. “Only in our case I found your journal and you’re not trying to kill me like Voldermort tried to kill Ginny.”

“That’s true. That really seems to be the only difference between us and them.” Bram playfully winked before looking at the room and catching Nick’s eye. He let go of Simon’s waist and waved. Nick saw them and quickly made his way over with Abby in tow. They were dressed like Tiana and Naveen from Princess and the Frog.

“Hey guys, I wasn’t sure when you were coming.” Nick looked them over. He gave a side hug to Simon and then one to Bram. “So...” He looked at Bram, “I’m going to say....Young Voldy. Am I right?” Nick guessed.

“At your service.” Simon looked at Bram with pride.

“And you....” Nick looked at Simon and Abby cocked her head to the side.

“Are you the little pig tail haired girl from Wendy’s restaurant?” She blurted out and then smirked into her drink.

Nick cackled, “Or Ariel from the Little Mermaid?”

Leah walked over and adjusted her Katara costume from Avatar the Last Air Bender, “What’s going on over here?” She held a red solo cup in her hand, but everyone knew there was nothing alcoholic in it.

Abby nudged her shoulder against Leah’s and leaned in to tell her what was going on. Leah’s eyes widened at the contact.

“We’re just trying to guess who Simon is...”

“Oh, that’s easy.” Leah smiled at Simon who in turn let out a sigh of relief, “He’s obviously Merida from that movie, Brave.”

Simon scowled at his friends, “Wow, who would have thought that Halloween would bring out so much evil in people.”

“Everyone Simon...everyone thinks that. Literally watch every Halloween movie and that’s like the plot.” Nick snorted and then glanced at someone who looked like they were about to throw up across the room. “Shit, got to go.” He scurried off.

“You look really great as Tom Bram!” Abby chirped happily and touched the snake around his neck.

Bram beamed, “Thanks.”

“Yea, I agree.” Leah smiled at him, “Alright, bathroom break, catch you guys later.”

Abby linked their arms together, “Oh I’ll come with you.”

“Uh...okay.” Leah made a face and pulled Abby along with her.

Simon turned to stare at Bram, “Et tu Brute.....et TU?!” He whispered forcefully.

“What did I do?”

“Oh it’s not what you did, it’s what you didn’t do!”

Bram cupped Simon’s face and gave him a peck on the lips. Simon rolled his eyes but the corners of his lips turned up a bit. “I mean, I don’t want to say that I told you s—“

“Bram! WWBD, say it with me.” Simon cut him off.

“Do I have to?”

“Yup! WWBD?”

“What Would Blue Do? Well...” He tapped his chin with his index finger, “...my younger self, would probably talk about how sexy you look all dolled up and how it was insane how no one could figure out who your character was because it was as clear as day. Then he’d probably say something about how he wishes he was brave enough to just...”He ran his fingers up and down Simon’s tie and slowly slid them down to his stomach, “...push you up against a wall,” He walked forwards into Simon, pushing him backwards until his lower back was against a table, “....then pull off that ridiculous wig, and make out with you until you turned into a pile of hormonal goo in his arms.”

Simon let out the breath he had been holding, “Wow...yes, that would be good.”

“Yea....” He leaned in until their lips were inches apart and then quickly pulled back, “but Bram would tell you that he told you so!”

“How sweet.” Simon said sarcastically.

“Wait you didn’t let me finish.”Bram grinned, “Bram would say I told you so, but that he loves you very much and he’s still going to make out with you until you turn into a panting pool of mush by the end of the night.” He smirked, “Even if you do look like Raggedy Ann.”

Simon laughed and then placed his props down on the table Bram had pushed him against. He reached up and wrapped his arms around Bram’s shoulders. Bram leaned his head down and Simon pressed their foreheads together, “Yea, yea....I love you too Abraham aka Bram aka Blue aka the sexiest thorn in my side.”

“Hey!” Bram pressed a kiss to the tip of Simon’s nose, “I do like the eyeliner though....let’s keep that around for awhile.”

Simon licked his lips, “Only if you keep this tie on, oh, and the snake.”

Bram wiggled his eyebrows, “Just those two things I should keep on?”

Simon laughed, “Eh, keep the robes too. It’ll help you slither-in to my bed.”

“Oh god, okay deal. You nerd.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I hope you enjoyed my insanity and I would love any all feedback from you guys! Thanks


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